Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
