Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Even my vagina gasped.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
