even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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