He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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