I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
