Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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