Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
