Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
