That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
