my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
