Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
