Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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