I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
