I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
