I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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