Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
