i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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