You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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