I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
