I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
