i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
