I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
