We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
