She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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