Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
