why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
