I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
