Too much gin, very little bucket
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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