I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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