I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
