Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize