Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
