I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
