Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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