WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
