THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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