A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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