Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize