i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
