I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I cockslap morals
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
