now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
