six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
