I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
