there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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