I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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