Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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