Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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