The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
