I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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