I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
