Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
