I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
