I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We're too hungover to prance.
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