I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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