But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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