On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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