Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
