i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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