can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
