So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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