Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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