we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
send nudes
from the living room?
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