Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
