So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
