just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
