We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
