Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize