Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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