I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
