Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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