My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
