guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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