Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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