Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
