Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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