dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
