she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
