I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
