FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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