really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
